c'mon diane. you can inform better than that.

o come on.. give me a break.
ok. here's the dish: i watch celebrity trash tv if a few conditions all happen to coincide: that is, if i get home early, am tired, and just want to veg on the couch for a lil break.. mindlessly..
so i saw this story prolly last week and again it was told today. the show does that a lot-- always keeping us updated on the latest.. as any reliable news source does.. .. ..ha..
here's the story/'controversy': is this miss universe contestant [or winner?] too thin?? skeletal or beauti-full?



the aussie flew all the way to nyc to clear the air/defend herself to none other than the well-respected[?] diane sawyer.. ..c'mon, diane, you can do better than this.

they quote her height and weight, which i'm not too concerned about-- numbers, that's all they are.. but just look at her. look at her. if she was ok, would she be getting all or any of this attention? now, i don't follow the miss whatever pagents and couldn't care less about them but since it is being brought up, it should duly be noted that despite the idiocy of even its existence, it nevertheless does have some impact or some saying on the social standard defining what beauty is.. i mean, just think of all them young [and old] influenceable lasses out there.. sad.

so the stick figure flies halfway across the world for the televised interview. she's asked if she thinks she's too thin and/or if she has an eating disorder. she gets emotional. pauses. needs to recollect herself as a fake/non-existent tear [doesn't] appear because the allegation is so hurtful. finally she is able to respond and says she is perfectly healthy and has never had an eating disorder and was never anorexic or bulimic in her life.

i mean, it's one thing when you've got the trashy celeb shows informing the public of stories like this but it's kind of another, i think, when you've got diane sawyer doing the same. i mean i know even newscasters too are just fye [for your entertainment] but have they no shame to at least try to fake it? or did i give them too much credit and in which case they too really are that ignorant.
so like i said, the story airs her height/weight [data] and her word.. as if that were to serve as confirmation?.. ok, you're not?.. just checking.. ..if every addict/mentally disordered patient could get away with that.. hmm.. ..i wonder what the mental health industry would be like today.. or if it would even exist at all.. d'nile. it aint' just a river, as they say.. what the researchers [of the tv show] should've done is.. maybe they're job?. so the tv personality could've asked better questions, like:
--well, it seems that you fall way below 'normal' weight, granted which is sometimes subjective but in this case it's drastic.., would you be willing to gain, say, 10 lbs? [which is still considered low].
--if you'd be willing, why don't you?. OR. why aren't you willing/what's the 'fear factor'?
--[well, you're already denying the fact that you look/are skeletal, so i won't ask you again..] umm..
--do you have your period?.. i know this is prolly something one wouldn't be able to ask a guest on network tv, but it's relevent.!. [..and i rarely use exclamation points when i write..]

ummm.. aside from dsm iv, what else?..
--how much do you work out?
--how can we confirm how much you say you actually intake per day/week?
--would you be confident that if we took a blood/urine sample everything will test normal?
--how often do you weigh yourself?

ummm..
--my those are lovely locks.. how much of them are actually yours?
--my those are lovely nails.. are they just as lovely[/strong] underneath that polish?
--umm, is it cold in here or is it just me?...

the list goes on. and now while i understand the limits of airtime, i think out of all of them, if they really cared-- for her and the education of their viewers-- they could have asked/challenged her to gain ~10 lbs or so and see what would happen. ..or at least, that's what i would've liked to see.. or they could've gone risque and asked if she's menstruating and then have gone onto a followup story about the number of celeb women having twin babies--> using fertility treatment--> why so many need it--> umm.. just throwing this out there.. too low weight?.. ..yet stunningly gorgeous and praised..

ho hum..
may the world/media set the right example for all them young[and old]'-uns out there..
peace.

what the eff is that?.. [..muffle.hypocrisy.].

A coworker today eagerly suggested we play a ‘game’ of trivia called ‘What the Eff is that?’—something she [obviously] wanted to share with the group in the few minutes remaining during our morning meeting. She whips out a leaflet from her bag and hands it to the guy sitting next to her—which wasn’t me [I’m a girl]. He looks at it closely and starts at an attempt to answer: ‘it’s uhhh….’. As he does so, I’m sitting there trying to guess what this is all about. From the tone of her voice when announcing the so-called game she sounded surprised and/or disgusted or just truly confused—an occurance not too uncommon in her case [bless her]. I was thinking on the lines of it being an abstract image, making her have that type of reaction, like an inkblot or something. The guy finishes examining the image and I motion for it to be passed on to me. I take a look and it’s a colorful takeout menu written in Spanish. On the back there are a few pictures of items they offer—I’m guessing platters they want to highlight? The point of focus is one in particular—it’s an.. an.. animal of some kind: whole and belly up on a bed of lettuce.. or rice, I forget which. It had legs like a rabbit, paws like a squirrel, and a head like a beaver or perhaps a rodent. It was a takeout menu, the picture was no more than two inches wide and you can imagine the resolution. I guess what she meant was: ‘What the Effin’ animal is that?’ And maybe to add, ‘People really order/eat that??’.
The discussion continued after the meeting was over. Someone finally figured out what it was—the name of the animal and everything, that is, in Spanish, without translation. It was confirmed to be along the lineage of rabbit. The discussion continued with the topic of eating animal, or rather, meat. I was reminded again how far removed our culture is from knowing where food comes from and what it is we actually swallow.
I was hearing people—meat lovers/eaters at that—say they would never eat what they saw in that picture—a relative of Thumper, I’m assuming. They said they would never eat what they saw in the picture next to it either—the plated head of Porky. In fact, they extended that rule to all animals—no heads, they scorned. Really?? I asked in astonishment. Even if, despite the head on, they were offered meat from the body? Apparently so. Well, what about fish?. I don’t know what I was thinking when asking that. That there’d be a difference if it lived in water vs. land? or if the animal was smaller? Dumb, I know. But anyway, no was the answer to my silly question. Fish is delish, but not if it comes with a head; note to self, buy only from those fish the headless seas when entertaining.. ..O, c’mon, let’s get real, these people are crazy. When I was a kid the cheeks of the fish were the best part and I’d only get to have one of them—my brother got the other, with a fish having only two cheeks and all. These folks have missed out on the ‘best’ part of their fish-eating lives, I thought. What a shame.
I stopped questioning at fish, but the girl who brought in the menu, who started all this, continued to say she wigs out even when she gets shrimp with the heads on. My head was about to fall off. Good thing it didn’t, though, because maybe she would’ve eaten me.
Americans don’t eat animal. They don’t eat cow or pig. They eat beef or pork or bacon or ham. They don’t eat horse. They eat hotdogs. I wonder how it is that they’ve come to eat chicken. Then again, maybe they don’t but do nuggets or buckets of KFC. And what about the breast milk of cattle?. Umm, if you’re talking about what is added to cereal or what makes lattes, that stuff comes merely in jugs or cartons from the refrigerated section of the supermarket is all, thankuverymuch. That reminds me of, I guess what I would now consider, that clever commercial for orange juice: a woman shopping in the refrigerated section of a supermarket for orange juice reaches her arm way into the shelf, and from the orange tree orchard on the other side, she pulls out a ‘fresh’ box of pasteurized orange juice—just as if picked from a tree—the box full of peel-free, pith-free, fiber-free, pulp-free juice, that is.
Great [exclamation point]. So calories aren’t the only things that make people oblivious. That is, how much people eat aside, they [or many] have no effing clue what exactly it is they’re eating—where their food comes from or what’s been done to it, from farm-to-table [pardon the trite expression] or chemical plant-to-plate. Perhaps, though, ignorance is bliss. I mean, ignorant can heartily chow down on mystery flesh [to prevent illness/deficiency, she claims] as long as it looks nothing like its real live form, with eyes, and teeth and so on and so forth. But if the ignorant are to stumble upon reality, then let’s just hope cultures are not disrespected nor baseless opinions spoken aloud—keeping everyone at bliss [and headache-free].

subway sweet.

i was sitting on the 6 train headed back uptown. it was spaciously quiet, everyone having more than enough room to sprawl out vs. just a couple of hours ago when my experience on the downtown train was jam packed such that railing was unnecessary and actually impossible to reach. at that time, 3 or 4 people and the door all sufficiently squeezed me tight in place. in any case, so i'm on my way back uptown. the train pulls into a station. the doors open. after a moments pause, the couple standing alongside the wall slowly approach the open doors. they're young, but not immaturely so. they walked slowly as if they had all the time in the world. they enter, seemingly as if they were unsure if they were on the right train but instead, it turned out, they were just really goddam relaxed, without any worries. unlike myself. where i book into the train the second the doors open so the doors don't close on me. so i can get a seat. for whatever possible innately anal reason i might have. as they enter, i notice they're sharing a hersheys candy bar-- the cookies and cream flavor. i'm drawn to them because it's hard for me to imagine eating chocolate straight up. i mean, i'm good with a brownie or sipping hot chocolate, but straight up..? not so much. the girl is looking aimlessly at the wall opposite of her inside the car, perhaps an advertisement, munching on a piece. the boy, finished with his, delicately takes the package from her and breaks off a piece. he offers it to her but she is not paying attention nor does she notice. and even though she still has a piece in her right hand, nonetheless, he places another into her left, the one next to him, and she inattentively accepts. he breaks off another piece from inside the package and eats it for himself. he pulls out the last piece and breaks it in half. he takes a moment to compare the two halves. one is clearly bigger than the other. instead of 50-50, it's more like 60-40. in the same hand as before, he places the bigger of the two pieces. again, she accepts it, unknowing what has just happened. unknowing the thoughtfulness that was put into that little piece of chocolate. and so was the end of the candy bar but certainly not his love for her.

a flat promotion

there's this new book, i guess, that barnes is trying to promote. that is, a few days ago it filled this stand right next to the escalator so it was the first book you saw when you entered the store. you couldn't miss it. it seemed pretty thick-- about the size of a small dictionary-- it was bright yellow with a large dark font across its cover that read: the flat belly diet! ..umm, sans the exclamation point. that's just how i read it. ..the book's migrated since then to the window, so i was reminded of it again as i left the store today.. yeah, i've kinda been a barnes junkie lately-- there are worse things.. in any case, the immediate reaction to a title like that is: whoa shit. flat belly, i need me one of those. but.. instead of picking up the book to find out all the revolutionary discoveries regarding the battle of the bulge, i continued to walk away withOUT stopping, thinking, man, that's a lot of trees they just wasted to inform people to just 'EAT LESS, MOVE MORE'. ..but maybe with all the green they acquire from it they'll be kind enough to plant some more... wishful thinking, huh?.. both the philanthropy and belly.

doubled up

i left the house today a little before 10:30 this morning. i got back home a lil after 10:30-- a little more than 12 hours later.. i guess it was a long day. and i guess i'm tired. but it's a good feeling tired. because i know it's over, the day, and i don't have to go back tomorrow.
the day started off with a pretty off-putting, obnoxious table-- 3 adults, 3 children. the guy and who i think was his wife complained about their drinks being flat. he did so by telling me: yoU drink this. [emphasis on the 'you']. i calmly tell him, no problem, i'll get u another one. that was the mature side of me at work. instead, what i really wanted to tell him was: sorry sir, but i don't drink carbonated corn syrup.. i got him and his wife another glass.. still flat to their standards so she ended up getting a water. he settled though with the too-flat, caffeinated, brown, artificial beverage. whatever dood, just, why u got to be so rude?..
i got this other family-- mom, dad, and 3 kids.. the mom wouldn't let her kid get cranberry juice because it would cost 99 cents extra.. ouch. talk about feeling the economic crisis. [..did that make any sense?..]. then they specifically pull me over to order the kids desserts, even when they didn't even seem to want it. then the dad cancels it AFTer they're already made. i tried to guilt trip him a lil, informing him they were already made, cause they were, but he didn't even pause for a second: i don't care. despite my having ordered it without having even been asked, i don't want it, and i certainly don't want/shouldn't have to pay the whole $3.50 for the THREE desserts I ME MYSELF ordered. fuck me. fuck you sir.
then it was frustrating to hear this girl tell me about her schedule and how she felt about her commitments. really what was frustrating/plain-out annoying is how people use/make excuses when/because they just don't say what they're really feeling.. recently more so.. people make up excuses but then nullify it when they want to do whatever. fucku. ahem. sorry. but go fuckurself. at your earliest convenience. of course.
then i got quadruple sat. quadruple. that's never happened to me before i don't think. i handled it pretty well though, i think. maybe i was in the zone. or maybe i was just lucky. if it was the latter, though, that quickly went away. cause i then got this older couple. as i was serving them their flavored sugarfree ice teas one of the glasses tipped over. luckily it didn't splash either of them, only spilling onto the table and floor. i got things dry as quickly as possible but not to the woman's standards. she kept fussing/complaining-- there were still some drips-- literally drips-- on the pedestal of the table on the parts neither of them were sitting over mind you. i wondered how this woman lives in the city. i wondered how she deals when it simply rains for chrissake. but to make up for my err, though i am human so it may happen every now and then mind you but whatever, i eventually made it to both knees, physically under the table til the pedestal was cleaned to her standards. it was awful. i mean, it felt awful. once i got her approval and stood back up, whatever dignity i had was left under that table. i wanted to cry right then and there. i had one of those disappointed-in-self moments. it was truly a loserville moment and i couldn't do anything about it. i couldn't escape. instead i just stood there coldly and took there order. not smart, that woman. i, after all, was serving her her food. but you know, i did what i thought was the worst i could do to her. and surprisingly, it didn't have to do with tarnishing her food.. though i did think about spitting in it.. no, instead, i let them sit a while. i ignored them, not wanting to deal/face them. then i remembered they just ordered two half salads so i guess it was time to deliver. i did. then i did my check backs. but i acted as if she were not there. because to me she wasn't. or at least she didn't deserve my acknowledgement or attention that's how little she meant to me. and what's interesting is is that was the worst thing i could do to get back at her. huh. ..so how is everything, sir?... can i refill your drink, sir?.. are you interested in dessert sir?. can i get that plate out of you way, sir?. major emphasis on sir. and he got it too, i think. they both did.. good.. here's your check, sir. have a great night, sir... i ended up getting 20% from the dood. ha ha. i win... but aside from the job i do, i kinda feel sorry for the dood himself too.. married to that bitch, poor fella. pretty embarassing..
the shift then ended with me giving the stink eye to my ass of a manager who told me to go prebus one of my tables-- this after having a shift of pretty much fully bussing all of my tables.. i've been pretty frustrated with the bussers lately. i think they've gotten lazier and/or know that i bus a lot of my tables so they're taking advantage of me doing most of their work.. prolly a combination of the two.. i don't mind so much bussing my tables, i mean, if they're gonna take so long to do it-- if i wait for them to do their job i wouldn't make half the money i do prolly--.. what kills me most though is having to tip them out $15-20 at the end of every shift. ..o, thanks for chatting yer brains out and giving me attitude when i ask you to help me out or just plainly not doing anything at all. thanks. thanks so much. you make the world a better place..
i finished up at 4 so i had about 30-45 min til i was 'on' again. i took the opportunity to go to barnes, sit a lil, eat a lil, get away for a moment. and a fleeting moment it was. i went back to get me a lil caffeine in me to make it through the night. that actually made me feel a lil like a normal everyone else person.. as if i need to consume shit to fit in.. stoopid but whatever.. it actually later on did help.. dependency beware..
the second half of my day was a lil better in some regards. well, the only drawback was that my tables didn't turn whatsoever. my guests vegetated which aggravated the shit out of me, but since most of the shit in me was aggravated in the first half of the day it wasn't as bad.. the staff too was much better in the second half.. salad was fast as ever. the servers were mellow and working together-- dramafree-- whoa, i know.. the manager was happy and around to be found.. and all that was just good. so whatever. i took the night as not sitting on my ass at home. maybe i should do this more often..
the best part of my day, though, was the quick ride/break i had between shifts, and more so, the ride i had at the end of the night back home. i guess i left around 10:15 or thereabouts. most traffic had subsided by then. the air was cool and fresh but not freezing. i only had to stop once or twice for a red light. late night really is one of the best times to ride. so peaceful. ..and my dad wonders why i'm so invested or whathaveu in my bike.. it's like the one time of my day where/when i feel good.. is that too much to ask?.. is it?, i wonder.. how i dread though the freezing cold non-rideable days that are awaiting ahead..
hmmm.. i'm tired. i'm exhausted. i'm gonna sleep well tonight...

we thrive on skinny bitches.

i was the most laziest person today. well, i did get up today around my usual time but decided to go back to bed. so i guess that didn't really count. i eventually made it up before noon.. though barely.. i watched a lil tv this afternoon.. i watched lidia bastianich make caponata and joe, her son, sear some tuna steaks. she made cooking eggplant look like it was no big deal. which it isn't i suppose but i still have yet to make it.. i've been wanting to for a while now and even bought one a couple o days ago to pressure myself into cooking it, but in my fridge it still awaits a hot pan and digestion. then i watched a bit of project runway which i've never seen before. i kinda got into the fashion part.. seeing what people can do in terms of making clothes.. it prolly was the season finale because the whole show was basically a fashion show of the three finalists' designs. then at the end they chose the winner. in any case, it reminded me about wanting to get a sewing machine. what was off-putting though was how much of a knock off it is of the show top chef. i think that was bravo's first reality/contest show.. and those two aren't even the only ones on bravo's lineup. they delved into some hair styling contest and some interior design one too. what i like though is how art/design is being appreciated in the media.. what i didn't like about the episode/fashion show of course though were the sooper tall models. i don't keep up with fashion shows much.. or at all really...i am actually though interested in seeing one in the flesh.. but.. when will the day come when we have respected fashion shows with women of all sizes? ..as is reflected by the real world. .now, in my opinion, there are two types of fashion. one that exhibits clothes that are totally forms of art, that no one would be caught dead in walking down the street. and then there's the type of fashion that people could feasibly wear.. in the world. maybe they should reserve the gaunt giants to the former type of fashion shows and allot more variety to the latter.. i mean, wouldn't it be a more interesting challenge to make a diverse group of 'average'-looking people look good/well-fitted than a homogenized, unrealistic one? i know this is not a new topic but c'mon heidi. u wanna make a difference?. use your power/status and make one.. in other news, shocking headlines that women in hollywood are too thin! gasp. apparently there's a size double zero? and sizes on sets range from zero to two-- two for the heavier-sized actresses. and the new cast of 90210 are dropping weight on practically a weekly basis. ..this was all on et today.. stupid. meanwhile the announcing voice exclaims all of this info in a rather excited voice. woohoo. we've got news to share, news you'll be o so shocked to hear so will tune in, news that'll get advertisers to endorse our show and from which we can profit.. skinny girls, perpetuating unrealistic ideals and reeling in the cash.. i knew they were good for something.. ummm.. hmmm.. how the hell did i get on this topic?.. uhhh.. then i saw martin yan guest appear on one of tyler florence's shows. it looked like one of his older shows.. he was doing an episode on dim sum treats including dumplings.. it's interesting when u see/watch something then it makes u want it too. ohmmm.. putting skinny-tall out of mind/ideal.. dumplings though are ok.. so.. later [just now actually] i let the mini-hankering for dumplings get to me. i can make them but sometimes i just get in the mood to eat other people's food.. today was one of those times.. damn consumerist within.. so. i went out to go get some. i got half steamed, half fried. they were pretty good actually. satisfying. ..when i asked the woman if it was made with msg she gave me a funny look. i'm not really sure why, to some extent. i mean, maybe it was an 'intrusive[?]' question but c'mon now. consumerists have the right to know what they're consuming, duh, especially if they're paying way more than whatever it's worth.. in this thrifty-spender's/don't-care-2-eat-msg's opinion.. and so now, here i am. not really tired since i got up so late and did nothing.. other than have an opinion.. or2. hmm. tomorrow's gonna be a long day..

grievance.

they say [hu]man[s] are the most intelligent things on earth.. perhaps.. but so too are they the most frustrating to deal with..
i work a job that serves people. serves them. i like the level of activity i get from it but at times it can be a lil too draining. not so much physical as emotional.. serving has shown me pretty hainus sides to people. and i don't mean murder or rape or anything to that degree. but seeing, or worse yet experiencing, how people can and do treat others on a regular basis in the most mundane of situations such as sitting down to eat, which we all must do multiple times a day, can really do some wear and tear on one's being. or at least mine.
the day didn't even start off wrong with a customer but with management. i've learned: get on the wrong side of your manager then consider yourself fucked. people can be assholes. and if they're in the position of power then multiply that ability tenfold. i won't get into the details but let's just say i'm not good with dealing with nonsense. it's hard for me to swallow and doesn't leave a good feeling in my stomach [or anywhere for that matter] afterwards. but you do [or try to do] what you have to do to keep your job that brings in some income and insurance and a schedule.
..i had this ancient woman order a salad today. as she was ordering she was shaking a lil such that it looked like it took a lot of effort/energy out of her. i was a lil worried she might keel over just holding the big menu.. but for the most part she was fine. she made me run back and forth a couple of times, but whatever, she survived this long.. umm, whatever.. so she exclaims when i check up on her after a few bites, this is a half?? i gently smile and say yes, they're very generous. old people don't eat that much and get overwhelmed when large amounts of food are in front of them. so they say. so i've seen. whatever. i let her be. she later waves me over with what i interpret as a sign in the air for the check so i take her bowl away, which is totally licked cleaned, and place the check presenter on the table. she then yells at me and says she doesn't want the check but wants to see the dessert menu.. woah geez.. alright, i mistook your signage. i'll get a dessert menu. damn, lady... so i give it to her and give her time to look it over. i go back to the table to see what she wants. she laments that she's having a hard time deciding.. because of the calories listed. i wanted to say, eh, she should live it up in the time she's got, but rethought that thought and thought that prolly wouldn't be appropriate. she wanted the hot fudge brownie sundae. she modified it only ordering the brownie a la haagen daaz minus the fudge and whipped cream. u know, to save on the calories.. alright. whatever. so i don't end up running the dessert to her. the food runner does. she gets it and seems fine. i politely drop the check and she seems fine. later, then, all of sudden as i'm passing by she yells at me, with most of the brownie gone sitting in a puddle of the remaining melted ice cream, can i get a spoon??! i mean, how am i supposed to eat this without a spoon??. she was referring to the melted ice cream. .. ..what the fuckin fuck, lady?? could she not just have simply asked for a spoon?. ..may i please have a spoon?.. can i please get a spoon?. do you mind getting me a spoon?. um, i think i need a spoon.. there a million ways she could have asked without getting all apeshit on me. i sucked it up, swallowed it. went about clearing the table i was about to before she had her lil tantrum and made her wait just a little bit longer. honey, the ice cream's melted. there is no rush...
that was just one incident. i am just amazed at how self-centered people are.. no, i take that back, i know they are, but how/to what extent they can behave in public/to others?..
i try to learn from my job how to deal with situations and people like the abovementioned. and for the most part, i think i'm getting better at it.. but i have to say, today was one of those days.. rare, but one of those days nonetheless, when i just wanted to say i what i really wanted to say and just walk away.. from it all.. everybody just got to me today, both customers and staff. my problem is is that i let it..