subway sweet.

i was sitting on the 6 train headed back uptown. it was spaciously quiet, everyone having more than enough room to sprawl out vs. just a couple of hours ago when my experience on the downtown train was jam packed such that railing was unnecessary and actually impossible to reach. at that time, 3 or 4 people and the door all sufficiently squeezed me tight in place. in any case, so i'm on my way back uptown. the train pulls into a station. the doors open. after a moments pause, the couple standing alongside the wall slowly approach the open doors. they're young, but not immaturely so. they walked slowly as if they had all the time in the world. they enter, seemingly as if they were unsure if they were on the right train but instead, it turned out, they were just really goddam relaxed, without any worries. unlike myself. where i book into the train the second the doors open so the doors don't close on me. so i can get a seat. for whatever possible innately anal reason i might have. as they enter, i notice they're sharing a hersheys candy bar-- the cookies and cream flavor. i'm drawn to them because it's hard for me to imagine eating chocolate straight up. i mean, i'm good with a brownie or sipping hot chocolate, but straight up..? not so much. the girl is looking aimlessly at the wall opposite of her inside the car, perhaps an advertisement, munching on a piece. the boy, finished with his, delicately takes the package from her and breaks off a piece. he offers it to her but she is not paying attention nor does she notice. and even though she still has a piece in her right hand, nonetheless, he places another into her left, the one next to him, and she inattentively accepts. he breaks off another piece from inside the package and eats it for himself. he pulls out the last piece and breaks it in half. he takes a moment to compare the two halves. one is clearly bigger than the other. instead of 50-50, it's more like 60-40. in the same hand as before, he places the bigger of the two pieces. again, she accepts it, unknowing what has just happened. unknowing the thoughtfulness that was put into that little piece of chocolate. and so was the end of the candy bar but certainly not his love for her.

a flat promotion

there's this new book, i guess, that barnes is trying to promote. that is, a few days ago it filled this stand right next to the escalator so it was the first book you saw when you entered the store. you couldn't miss it. it seemed pretty thick-- about the size of a small dictionary-- it was bright yellow with a large dark font across its cover that read: the flat belly diet! ..umm, sans the exclamation point. that's just how i read it. ..the book's migrated since then to the window, so i was reminded of it again as i left the store today.. yeah, i've kinda been a barnes junkie lately-- there are worse things.. in any case, the immediate reaction to a title like that is: whoa shit. flat belly, i need me one of those. but.. instead of picking up the book to find out all the revolutionary discoveries regarding the battle of the bulge, i continued to walk away withOUT stopping, thinking, man, that's a lot of trees they just wasted to inform people to just 'EAT LESS, MOVE MORE'. ..but maybe with all the green they acquire from it they'll be kind enough to plant some more... wishful thinking, huh?.. both the philanthropy and belly.

doubled up

i left the house today a little before 10:30 this morning. i got back home a lil after 10:30-- a little more than 12 hours later.. i guess it was a long day. and i guess i'm tired. but it's a good feeling tired. because i know it's over, the day, and i don't have to go back tomorrow.
the day started off with a pretty off-putting, obnoxious table-- 3 adults, 3 children. the guy and who i think was his wife complained about their drinks being flat. he did so by telling me: yoU drink this. [emphasis on the 'you']. i calmly tell him, no problem, i'll get u another one. that was the mature side of me at work. instead, what i really wanted to tell him was: sorry sir, but i don't drink carbonated corn syrup.. i got him and his wife another glass.. still flat to their standards so she ended up getting a water. he settled though with the too-flat, caffeinated, brown, artificial beverage. whatever dood, just, why u got to be so rude?..
i got this other family-- mom, dad, and 3 kids.. the mom wouldn't let her kid get cranberry juice because it would cost 99 cents extra.. ouch. talk about feeling the economic crisis. [..did that make any sense?..]. then they specifically pull me over to order the kids desserts, even when they didn't even seem to want it. then the dad cancels it AFTer they're already made. i tried to guilt trip him a lil, informing him they were already made, cause they were, but he didn't even pause for a second: i don't care. despite my having ordered it without having even been asked, i don't want it, and i certainly don't want/shouldn't have to pay the whole $3.50 for the THREE desserts I ME MYSELF ordered. fuck me. fuck you sir.
then it was frustrating to hear this girl tell me about her schedule and how she felt about her commitments. really what was frustrating/plain-out annoying is how people use/make excuses when/because they just don't say what they're really feeling.. recently more so.. people make up excuses but then nullify it when they want to do whatever. fucku. ahem. sorry. but go fuckurself. at your earliest convenience. of course.
then i got quadruple sat. quadruple. that's never happened to me before i don't think. i handled it pretty well though, i think. maybe i was in the zone. or maybe i was just lucky. if it was the latter, though, that quickly went away. cause i then got this older couple. as i was serving them their flavored sugarfree ice teas one of the glasses tipped over. luckily it didn't splash either of them, only spilling onto the table and floor. i got things dry as quickly as possible but not to the woman's standards. she kept fussing/complaining-- there were still some drips-- literally drips-- on the pedestal of the table on the parts neither of them were sitting over mind you. i wondered how this woman lives in the city. i wondered how she deals when it simply rains for chrissake. but to make up for my err, though i am human so it may happen every now and then mind you but whatever, i eventually made it to both knees, physically under the table til the pedestal was cleaned to her standards. it was awful. i mean, it felt awful. once i got her approval and stood back up, whatever dignity i had was left under that table. i wanted to cry right then and there. i had one of those disappointed-in-self moments. it was truly a loserville moment and i couldn't do anything about it. i couldn't escape. instead i just stood there coldly and took there order. not smart, that woman. i, after all, was serving her her food. but you know, i did what i thought was the worst i could do to her. and surprisingly, it didn't have to do with tarnishing her food.. though i did think about spitting in it.. no, instead, i let them sit a while. i ignored them, not wanting to deal/face them. then i remembered they just ordered two half salads so i guess it was time to deliver. i did. then i did my check backs. but i acted as if she were not there. because to me she wasn't. or at least she didn't deserve my acknowledgement or attention that's how little she meant to me. and what's interesting is is that was the worst thing i could do to get back at her. huh. ..so how is everything, sir?... can i refill your drink, sir?.. are you interested in dessert sir?. can i get that plate out of you way, sir?. major emphasis on sir. and he got it too, i think. they both did.. good.. here's your check, sir. have a great night, sir... i ended up getting 20% from the dood. ha ha. i win... but aside from the job i do, i kinda feel sorry for the dood himself too.. married to that bitch, poor fella. pretty embarassing..
the shift then ended with me giving the stink eye to my ass of a manager who told me to go prebus one of my tables-- this after having a shift of pretty much fully bussing all of my tables.. i've been pretty frustrated with the bussers lately. i think they've gotten lazier and/or know that i bus a lot of my tables so they're taking advantage of me doing most of their work.. prolly a combination of the two.. i don't mind so much bussing my tables, i mean, if they're gonna take so long to do it-- if i wait for them to do their job i wouldn't make half the money i do prolly--.. what kills me most though is having to tip them out $15-20 at the end of every shift. ..o, thanks for chatting yer brains out and giving me attitude when i ask you to help me out or just plainly not doing anything at all. thanks. thanks so much. you make the world a better place..
i finished up at 4 so i had about 30-45 min til i was 'on' again. i took the opportunity to go to barnes, sit a lil, eat a lil, get away for a moment. and a fleeting moment it was. i went back to get me a lil caffeine in me to make it through the night. that actually made me feel a lil like a normal everyone else person.. as if i need to consume shit to fit in.. stoopid but whatever.. it actually later on did help.. dependency beware..
the second half of my day was a lil better in some regards. well, the only drawback was that my tables didn't turn whatsoever. my guests vegetated which aggravated the shit out of me, but since most of the shit in me was aggravated in the first half of the day it wasn't as bad.. the staff too was much better in the second half.. salad was fast as ever. the servers were mellow and working together-- dramafree-- whoa, i know.. the manager was happy and around to be found.. and all that was just good. so whatever. i took the night as not sitting on my ass at home. maybe i should do this more often..
the best part of my day, though, was the quick ride/break i had between shifts, and more so, the ride i had at the end of the night back home. i guess i left around 10:15 or thereabouts. most traffic had subsided by then. the air was cool and fresh but not freezing. i only had to stop once or twice for a red light. late night really is one of the best times to ride. so peaceful. ..and my dad wonders why i'm so invested or whathaveu in my bike.. it's like the one time of my day where/when i feel good.. is that too much to ask?.. is it?, i wonder.. how i dread though the freezing cold non-rideable days that are awaiting ahead..
hmmm.. i'm tired. i'm exhausted. i'm gonna sleep well tonight...

we thrive on skinny bitches.

i was the most laziest person today. well, i did get up today around my usual time but decided to go back to bed. so i guess that didn't really count. i eventually made it up before noon.. though barely.. i watched a lil tv this afternoon.. i watched lidia bastianich make caponata and joe, her son, sear some tuna steaks. she made cooking eggplant look like it was no big deal. which it isn't i suppose but i still have yet to make it.. i've been wanting to for a while now and even bought one a couple o days ago to pressure myself into cooking it, but in my fridge it still awaits a hot pan and digestion. then i watched a bit of project runway which i've never seen before. i kinda got into the fashion part.. seeing what people can do in terms of making clothes.. it prolly was the season finale because the whole show was basically a fashion show of the three finalists' designs. then at the end they chose the winner. in any case, it reminded me about wanting to get a sewing machine. what was off-putting though was how much of a knock off it is of the show top chef. i think that was bravo's first reality/contest show.. and those two aren't even the only ones on bravo's lineup. they delved into some hair styling contest and some interior design one too. what i like though is how art/design is being appreciated in the media.. what i didn't like about the episode/fashion show of course though were the sooper tall models. i don't keep up with fashion shows much.. or at all really...i am actually though interested in seeing one in the flesh.. but.. when will the day come when we have respected fashion shows with women of all sizes? ..as is reflected by the real world. .now, in my opinion, there are two types of fashion. one that exhibits clothes that are totally forms of art, that no one would be caught dead in walking down the street. and then there's the type of fashion that people could feasibly wear.. in the world. maybe they should reserve the gaunt giants to the former type of fashion shows and allot more variety to the latter.. i mean, wouldn't it be a more interesting challenge to make a diverse group of 'average'-looking people look good/well-fitted than a homogenized, unrealistic one? i know this is not a new topic but c'mon heidi. u wanna make a difference?. use your power/status and make one.. in other news, shocking headlines that women in hollywood are too thin! gasp. apparently there's a size double zero? and sizes on sets range from zero to two-- two for the heavier-sized actresses. and the new cast of 90210 are dropping weight on practically a weekly basis. ..this was all on et today.. stupid. meanwhile the announcing voice exclaims all of this info in a rather excited voice. woohoo. we've got news to share, news you'll be o so shocked to hear so will tune in, news that'll get advertisers to endorse our show and from which we can profit.. skinny girls, perpetuating unrealistic ideals and reeling in the cash.. i knew they were good for something.. ummm.. hmmm.. how the hell did i get on this topic?.. uhhh.. then i saw martin yan guest appear on one of tyler florence's shows. it looked like one of his older shows.. he was doing an episode on dim sum treats including dumplings.. it's interesting when u see/watch something then it makes u want it too. ohmmm.. putting skinny-tall out of mind/ideal.. dumplings though are ok.. so.. later [just now actually] i let the mini-hankering for dumplings get to me. i can make them but sometimes i just get in the mood to eat other people's food.. today was one of those times.. damn consumerist within.. so. i went out to go get some. i got half steamed, half fried. they were pretty good actually. satisfying. ..when i asked the woman if it was made with msg she gave me a funny look. i'm not really sure why, to some extent. i mean, maybe it was an 'intrusive[?]' question but c'mon now. consumerists have the right to know what they're consuming, duh, especially if they're paying way more than whatever it's worth.. in this thrifty-spender's/don't-care-2-eat-msg's opinion.. and so now, here i am. not really tired since i got up so late and did nothing.. other than have an opinion.. or2. hmm. tomorrow's gonna be a long day..

grievance.

they say [hu]man[s] are the most intelligent things on earth.. perhaps.. but so too are they the most frustrating to deal with..
i work a job that serves people. serves them. i like the level of activity i get from it but at times it can be a lil too draining. not so much physical as emotional.. serving has shown me pretty hainus sides to people. and i don't mean murder or rape or anything to that degree. but seeing, or worse yet experiencing, how people can and do treat others on a regular basis in the most mundane of situations such as sitting down to eat, which we all must do multiple times a day, can really do some wear and tear on one's being. or at least mine.
the day didn't even start off wrong with a customer but with management. i've learned: get on the wrong side of your manager then consider yourself fucked. people can be assholes. and if they're in the position of power then multiply that ability tenfold. i won't get into the details but let's just say i'm not good with dealing with nonsense. it's hard for me to swallow and doesn't leave a good feeling in my stomach [or anywhere for that matter] afterwards. but you do [or try to do] what you have to do to keep your job that brings in some income and insurance and a schedule.
..i had this ancient woman order a salad today. as she was ordering she was shaking a lil such that it looked like it took a lot of effort/energy out of her. i was a lil worried she might keel over just holding the big menu.. but for the most part she was fine. she made me run back and forth a couple of times, but whatever, she survived this long.. umm, whatever.. so she exclaims when i check up on her after a few bites, this is a half?? i gently smile and say yes, they're very generous. old people don't eat that much and get overwhelmed when large amounts of food are in front of them. so they say. so i've seen. whatever. i let her be. she later waves me over with what i interpret as a sign in the air for the check so i take her bowl away, which is totally licked cleaned, and place the check presenter on the table. she then yells at me and says she doesn't want the check but wants to see the dessert menu.. woah geez.. alright, i mistook your signage. i'll get a dessert menu. damn, lady... so i give it to her and give her time to look it over. i go back to the table to see what she wants. she laments that she's having a hard time deciding.. because of the calories listed. i wanted to say, eh, she should live it up in the time she's got, but rethought that thought and thought that prolly wouldn't be appropriate. she wanted the hot fudge brownie sundae. she modified it only ordering the brownie a la haagen daaz minus the fudge and whipped cream. u know, to save on the calories.. alright. whatever. so i don't end up running the dessert to her. the food runner does. she gets it and seems fine. i politely drop the check and she seems fine. later, then, all of sudden as i'm passing by she yells at me, with most of the brownie gone sitting in a puddle of the remaining melted ice cream, can i get a spoon??! i mean, how am i supposed to eat this without a spoon??. she was referring to the melted ice cream. .. ..what the fuckin fuck, lady?? could she not just have simply asked for a spoon?. ..may i please have a spoon?.. can i please get a spoon?. do you mind getting me a spoon?. um, i think i need a spoon.. there a million ways she could have asked without getting all apeshit on me. i sucked it up, swallowed it. went about clearing the table i was about to before she had her lil tantrum and made her wait just a little bit longer. honey, the ice cream's melted. there is no rush...
that was just one incident. i am just amazed at how self-centered people are.. no, i take that back, i know they are, but how/to what extent they can behave in public/to others?..
i try to learn from my job how to deal with situations and people like the abovementioned. and for the most part, i think i'm getting better at it.. but i have to say, today was one of those days.. rare, but one of those days nonetheless, when i just wanted to say i what i really wanted to say and just walk away.. from it all.. everybody just got to me today, both customers and staff. my problem is is that i let it..

a random brief.

bullets.
--i attended a wedding this weekend of two people i have faith will actually last. this was my fourth and it was interesting to see how each one is so different yet elements are so similar at the same time.. despite hearing all the gripes about what a headache planning one is, and i'm sure it's true, don't get me wrong, i still can't help fantasizing planning my own.. what would i do..?.. ..am i turning into little girl or what?.
--i think i'm still tired from friday then the weekend all the way til now..
--britney won three awards at the mtv mva's?.. go brit brit.. i'm in full support of her and her impending comeback.. sorry folks, that's just the way it is..
--i still have yet to catch up on the elections.. amongst everything else, righ?
--i watched gossip girl tonight. this kid from work was talking about it all day today. he was so excited.. doing a countdown by the hour of when it would show.. i admit i too was pretty obsessed with it last season. but think i've gotten over it.. for whatever reason.. this season, thus far, which includes two episodes has been pretty race-y.. more sexed up, including older folks having affair with supposed high school teenagers.. now, in the old 90210, the actors played high school students but were definitely in their 20s.. for some reason, it worked for them.. i don't know, maybe it's because it's supposed to be the fantastical world of the wealthy, but this cocktail sipping characters for some reason are just not convincing me.. though, they are inarguably pretty to watch..
--i like photography.. or taking pics.. whatever u want to call it.. i just like it.
--dilemma of the hour: ok.. so i've tutored this girl since last year. then did some concentrated sessions with her older sister the end of this past school year for her finals.. i have pretty good repore [sp?] i think with the fam.. now the older sister wants tutoring on a regular basis alongside her sis.. now here's the dilemma.. my rate is decently/relatively low and i kinda want a raise.. nothing huge, but one nonetheless. given the current state of the economy and the fact that i like the girls and still want the gig.. do i ask?. if yes, how do i ask?.. i've asked one person already and he told me i should ask but lie. that is, say that i have other people to tutor and i have to consider who is more worth my time.. or something on the lines thereof.. like, give a reason why they should give me more money.. i hate lying though.. it just makes life more difficult. in my opinion.. if you have any opinion on the matter, then hesitate not to share..
--i bought a lot of fruit today.. this year fruit has really sucked.. gripe.
--i have two movies now on the theater list.. i still haven't seen dark knight. and someone told me today that i should go see vicky something.. sounded good from what she was telling me..
--i should prolly go to sleep now cause i'm tired though i don't feel like ending the day just yet.. once again, the kid within me emerging..

my first double.

[unedited].
i know people do it all the time. but not me. today was my first. twelve hours pretty much straight. nothing kinky or anything near the order of, though.. that would make for an interesting piece, huh?. yeah, i'm sure.. actually it's quite the opposite. i'm talking about work. i got and left there at 11-- the former in the am, the latter in the pm. i pulled my first double.. and considering the running around that was involved, i was pretty consistently busy both day and night, i'd think i'd be tired at this point but.. i'm not really.. sitting though helps.. but i'm really just prolly feeding off the rare-occasion adreneline and/or perhaps it won't hit me til tomorrow-- just when i need to be in good spirits and chock full of energy.. isn't that usually the way life hands you things?. and yes, the glass is half empty, duh. we all know that i know that.. in any case, so work is obviously on the brain at the moment. and based on the trend of the day i wondered whether along with the horrendous traffic i spoke earlier of, the turn of labor day brought back the cheap skate patrons that really know how to get under my skin or just annoy the shit out of me.. i mean, don't go out to eat if you don't want to spend the money. times are hard, for sure. and we're all trying to make ends meet.. including the ones who serve you.. i had a woman sitting at a table of fourteen, a business lunch which she i'm sure wasn't paying for.. well, she fretted over ordering a DP [diet pepsi] based on whether it was free refill. i had this girl ask me how many shrimp there was in the jambalaya. i had a man order a red wine. when i asked him which one, his response was whichever was the cheapest.. yellowtail shiraz, i believe it was, which i was actually a lil surprised about since yellowtail advertizes all over the place.. doesn't it?.. my last table though was by far the worst.. two women. i greet them and ask what they want to drink. they have the drinks menu fully unfolded and the tell me they don't know. ok, fine. legitimate. we do have a decently extensive menu on drinks alone. i come back, they don't know. i come back: one california cosmo, one reg cosmo. it took that long just to make the drink order, now they needed time for food.. derrr.. grrrr.. come back. don't know. come back. ummm. i think we'll start with the sonora egg rolls.. come back, ready to decide on entree?. no. come back? no.. don't even come back. i wait.. then finally come back. one of the women is almost reluctant to order. she asks where the app is, prolly preplanning to get the app before ordering the main.. they've been here before.. i have never seen them but i can tell by the way they're ordering.. bullshit that they can't decide/don't know what to get.. really, they're just trying to buy time and sit there as long as they can and doing so by stalling to order.. when i finally got them to-- your app'll be here in a couple minutes followed by a will-you-just-order-already??-stare.. one of them was like.. eh, i don't know.. is this spicy. blah blah.. fine. valid question. UNLESS you already know the answer. which she/they both clearly did.. so they're sipping their cosmos and have a sonora egg roll app on the way. they then order the mango tandori, the garlic cream, and the crab cakes. three entrees and the app between the two of them.. they prolly didn't even have the opportunity to get upset about the calories on the menu since they prolly already knew what they wanted before even entering the store. in any case. it took forever for the sonora egg rolls to come up.. they eat. they hail me down to order another drink-- two lemon drops, without the need of a menu, and make sure there's sugar around the rim request. again, no menu onhand.. ahem. they eat more. eat eat. i set down a dessert menu as they start to slow down... i ask if they want dessert when they're done.. they say they might consider it.. and at that point i want to shoot myself and transfer the table far far away from me despite all the work i already put into them.. when i go back they're ready to pay.. thank god, you know?.. and i guess at that point they decided they spent enough time in the joint and paid relatively [to themselves] quickly and then they left. thank god..
.end.. i was prolly going to continue on, but was tired and was going to go back but didn't get a chance. so o well. abrupt ending.. so neeehh-xt..